Dearest reader, you know me, right? You know I pride myself on not getting all butt-hurt about stupid things like 'Heroes of Facebook' (guys who fix the world one snarky Facebook post/comment at a time), but I feel compelled to draw a line.
My close friend and confidant Adam recently posted something about how the phrase 'more cowbell' sounds to actual musicians, and he even went so far as to explore the etymology of the phrase, and while I didn't see a need to become upset by people using the phrase, I found it interesting and I was with him on this.
How interesting then, that he was the one to make me understand his pain.
The other night, I was working on automating some of my work processes through a batch file, when I posted a question about disabling the proxy via command line, when he commented with the single stupidest thing a user can utter to any IT professional: Buy a Mac.
Later, under questioning via text message, he confessed to trolling. He is not, in fact, that stupid.
Please believe me when I saw I'm not trying to turn this blog into an all-Apple all-the-time thing, but this kind of thing causes me real pain, especially when it comes from someone I love and care about.
And, yes, I'm man enough to say that I love another man. Granted it's in a purely hetero fashion, as he's way too hairy for me. And penises are just kind of a disgusting obstacle.
Again, I love him in a purely hetero way, not in a 'Mac user' kind of way.
And what bugs me the most is that the 'buy a Mac' idiocy one of my few sore spots, and my goddam friends know it. These assholes will troll me, get me going, and then, just as I'm about to nuke the site from orbit (it's the only way to be sure), they'll throw their hands up, and claim 'I was just trolling you.' In most cases, I believe them (such as in Adam's case, since the dude is rather smart, despite being a Blake Schwarzenbach fan), but there are those closet Mac fans out there, lurking, blending in with us like frakkin' skinjobs.
See, the problem is that the phrased is used flippantly throughout society, with a total lack of knowledge as to why. This ignorance could have serious repercussions, folks. Think of the children.
To illustrate my point more clearly, here is a discussion between myself and a generic human:
Blaine: Why should I buy a Mac?
MacCylon: (digging deep into ear with finger) Because it just works.
Blaine: Compared to what?
MacCylon: (now picking nose while flipping between reality shows) Um, the Windows program.
Blaine: I presume you mean hardware that runs the Windows operating system. I see. Yes, the Windows OSes have a greater history of instability, I agree. However, some of that is because it supports open architecture, which gives the consumer freedom of choice when building their own machines. Additionally, with greater market share comes greater attention from those who wish to do harm. If most people are running Windows, you're going to tailor your attacks to target Windows operating systems. If anyone in the IT world really gave a shit about Mac, you'd see Mac-specific attacks. What was the last problem you had with your Windows machine?
MacCylon: Big clicky button. Go blink-blink. Say 'free Windows anti-virus 2012.' Me click on button. On interwebs. Lots of booby pictures fill screen then it stop working. Boobies frozen. Took it to Geek Squad. Now runs more like shit.
Blaine: I see. I also notice, here, that you have eight distinct 'bars' in your Internet Explorer. Have you been clicking on 'install' every time you see it?
MacCylon: (looks around nervously) NO.
Blaine: Of course. What about your desktop here? I noticed that it's completed filled with icons for all manner of 'free' applications. How did those get there?
MacCylon: Me no know. Me click on boobies. And not always with fingers.
Blaine: Have you considered educating yourself, even in the slightest bit, about the technology that you use? Computers are wonderful machines, if you learn just a little about them.
MacCylon: Dancing With the Stars is on.
Blaine: Or maybe you should switch to Linux? The latest Ubuntu distro is actually geared toward total morons, so this may be a good match.
MacCylon: Buy a Mac.
You can see what I'm getting at here. The average user is a terrifying neanderthal, from whom we should hide all forms of technology.
My biggest issue with Macs is that they discourage exploration and the seeking of understanding. They are built, from the OS to the hardware specs to the licensing deals to the hateful terms of use, to lock the user down and keep him/her from destroying themselves. Macs are designed for people that hate computing and don't want to learn anything about technology. They are anathema to people that work in technology. Imagine if the hood of your car was welded shut. That's how Macs, from an IT perspective, are designed. Everything about the OS wants to keep you the fuck out. What's hilarious is that it's built on Unix, and has the most stringent lock-out philosophy there is.
Being an IT pro in a Linux and Windows shop, I have no use for the operating system. I like being able to get under the hood and owning my install. I need to be able to do that.
It's my opinion that the mouth-breathers of the world should demand the same. Don't have your experience dictated to you. Build the experience that you need.
There I go, being all idealistic in a world in which 'Dancing With the Stars' crushes other shows' ratings.
In closing ...
One of the reasons that Adam and I get along is that he's more or less the model luddite. He actually picks up the phone and asks questions, and is not afraid to learn the basics of networking and un-fucking computers. More luddites should take that same approach. Learn. I'm proud of him, really. Communing with Blake Schwarzenbach about having such a small dick hasn't held him back.
That is all, my friends. Thanks for reading another rant.
What say you? What's your operating system of choice? How deeply do you customize your experience? What would you change about your experience, if you could?
Thanks for reading?
-Blaine
Buy my book!
Showing posts with label facebook. Show all posts
Showing posts with label facebook. Show all posts
20120522
20120515
Topical Twitter Talk in 2012 on Technology Tuesdays
Sorry about the title. I have trouble restraining myself at times when it comes to abusing the English language.
Yes, it's Tuesday, which means I'm here to type at you about technology.
As you may have recently been informed, it is 2012, and many of us are using Facebook, Twitter, and Google+. Oh, and my glorious Windows Phone also dumps out to LinkedIn and Windows Live, which I'd no idea also pretended to be a social site, but there it is (remember that time we all had hotmail addresses? Yeah, 200+ pieces of junkmail per day was hilarious.)
Oh, and I'm told there are still people on MySpace. Remind me, and I'll send someone to check on them. I was never a member there. My wife, I think, was. I think she's the one who showed me a friend's page, and it was all blinking and animated and shit, and all around, visually murderous.
In short, MySpace managed to displace tentacle porn as the worst thing on the internet.
Point being, there's a flood of 'social sites' out there, and I'm on all of them except for MySpace.
But why?
What's amazing is that I've seen many people turn Facebook into an incredible time sink. It becomes an 'activity,' something that you actively sit down and 'do.' I've had people tell me that they are 'facebooking,' and keep a straight face (with glazed eyes and Everquest-ish 'click-click-click' sound emanating in the background.) What's amazing is that this verb has penetrated the American lexicon, and is something commonly understood by most.
Now, I'm a terrible 'Facebooker.' I don't check on anybody. I just make sure they know about me. I've had people growl at me for not being aware of events they'd posted on Facebook, or even direct me to Facebook to find out what's new with them, in place of having a conversation with me. I don't normally regard myself as one who's slow to change (even if I did take a while to recover from Battlestar Galactica no longer being on the air), but I was surprised by these changes to the conversational dynamic.
When I look at my Facebook page, I have 200-something friends, which is probably too many. I then look at some of my teenage second-cousins, and they have 400-500. It is then, I believe, that you need to hire a Facebook Analyst to parse your news feed, and distill key elements into readable tales for later consumption.
At what point does Facebook stop streamlining your life and become a part-time job?
That's one of the reasons I've always preferred Twitter for this kind of stuff.
I believe I did it backwards, and had a Twitter account before I had a Facebook account. I think.
To me, Twitter has always been Facebook without all the baggage. I don't have to worry about you spamming me with another data-farming Zynga application. I know that you're pooping, and now you're eating at Chipotle, and now you're bitching about something on TV. I'm good with that.
Even Twitter's membership is streamlined. Most of the mouth-breathers just don't get it, and again, I'm good with that. There's a technological divide between Facebook and Twitter that I find fascinating. It's as if the more tech-savvy openly embrace Twitter's simplicity, while the more generic folks recoil in horror at not being able to spam Farmville updates onto an unwilling public (that crap is super-easy to block, by the way.)
And then there's Google+. Um. I like it, but it's still yet another social site. I vastly prefer its interface to Facebook, but everyone is on Facebook.
Facebook's stranglehold on the social scene is akin to Apple's on the 'cool appliance' scene.
Two words: rich ecosystem.
I mean, it's not like Facebook has a reasonably good interface, or isn't harvesting personal data and trying to fool you into making it available to all of its partners. It's a terrible interface that is intentionally confusing when it comes to toggling settings that relate to your personal data, and it's slowly but surely approaching a critical mass in terms of how much stuff shows up on your news feed. It's a cluttered mess, there's a lot of reasons not to like it, but everyone's on there and that's the most important part of a social site.
In closing, I suffer Facebook for you, my friends. That's my how much love I have for you in my blackest of hearts. I will tolerate bad interface (not quite Sony bad) and the auctioning of my personal data because I want you to know that it's important to me to know when you're pooping or when your kid hit a homerun in a little league game.
What about you? What's your take on social sites? What do you like and not like? Why? How do you think it's changed the way we interact with each other?
-Blaine
Buy my book!
Yes, it's Tuesday, which means I'm here to type at you about technology.
As you may have recently been informed, it is 2012, and many of us are using Facebook, Twitter, and Google+. Oh, and my glorious Windows Phone also dumps out to LinkedIn and Windows Live, which I'd no idea also pretended to be a social site, but there it is (remember that time we all had hotmail addresses? Yeah, 200+ pieces of junkmail per day was hilarious.)
Oh, and I'm told there are still people on MySpace. Remind me, and I'll send someone to check on them. I was never a member there. My wife, I think, was. I think she's the one who showed me a friend's page, and it was all blinking and animated and shit, and all around, visually murderous.
In short, MySpace managed to displace tentacle porn as the worst thing on the internet.
Point being, there's a flood of 'social sites' out there, and I'm on all of them except for MySpace.
But why?
What's amazing is that I've seen many people turn Facebook into an incredible time sink. It becomes an 'activity,' something that you actively sit down and 'do.' I've had people tell me that they are 'facebooking,' and keep a straight face (with glazed eyes and Everquest-ish 'click-click-click' sound emanating in the background.) What's amazing is that this verb has penetrated the American lexicon, and is something commonly understood by most.
Now, I'm a terrible 'Facebooker.' I don't check on anybody. I just make sure they know about me. I've had people growl at me for not being aware of events they'd posted on Facebook, or even direct me to Facebook to find out what's new with them, in place of having a conversation with me. I don't normally regard myself as one who's slow to change (even if I did take a while to recover from Battlestar Galactica no longer being on the air), but I was surprised by these changes to the conversational dynamic.
When I look at my Facebook page, I have 200-something friends, which is probably too many. I then look at some of my teenage second-cousins, and they have 400-500. It is then, I believe, that you need to hire a Facebook Analyst to parse your news feed, and distill key elements into readable tales for later consumption.
At what point does Facebook stop streamlining your life and become a part-time job?
That's one of the reasons I've always preferred Twitter for this kind of stuff.
I believe I did it backwards, and had a Twitter account before I had a Facebook account. I think.
To me, Twitter has always been Facebook without all the baggage. I don't have to worry about you spamming me with another data-farming Zynga application. I know that you're pooping, and now you're eating at Chipotle, and now you're bitching about something on TV. I'm good with that.
Even Twitter's membership is streamlined. Most of the mouth-breathers just don't get it, and again, I'm good with that. There's a technological divide between Facebook and Twitter that I find fascinating. It's as if the more tech-savvy openly embrace Twitter's simplicity, while the more generic folks recoil in horror at not being able to spam Farmville updates onto an unwilling public (that crap is super-easy to block, by the way.)
And then there's Google+. Um. I like it, but it's still yet another social site. I vastly prefer its interface to Facebook, but everyone is on Facebook.
Facebook's stranglehold on the social scene is akin to Apple's on the 'cool appliance' scene.
Two words: rich ecosystem.
I mean, it's not like Facebook has a reasonably good interface, or isn't harvesting personal data and trying to fool you into making it available to all of its partners. It's a terrible interface that is intentionally confusing when it comes to toggling settings that relate to your personal data, and it's slowly but surely approaching a critical mass in terms of how much stuff shows up on your news feed. It's a cluttered mess, there's a lot of reasons not to like it, but everyone's on there and that's the most important part of a social site.
In closing, I suffer Facebook for you, my friends. That's my how much love I have for you in my blackest of hearts. I will tolerate bad interface (not quite Sony bad) and the auctioning of my personal data because I want you to know that it's important to me to know when you're pooping or when your kid hit a homerun in a little league game.
What about you? What's your take on social sites? What do you like and not like? Why? How do you think it's changed the way we interact with each other?
-Blaine
Buy my book!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)