Dearest reader, you know me, right? You know I pride myself on not getting all butt-hurt about stupid things like 'Heroes of Facebook' (guys who fix the world one snarky Facebook post/comment at a time), but I feel compelled to draw a line.
My close friend and confidant Adam recently posted something about how the phrase 'more cowbell' sounds to actual musicians, and he even went so far as to explore the etymology of the phrase, and while I didn't see a need to become upset by people using the phrase, I found it interesting and I was with him on this.
How interesting then, that he was the one to make me understand his pain.
The other night, I was working on automating some of my work processes through a batch file, when I posted a question about disabling the proxy via command line, when he commented with the single stupidest thing a user can utter to any IT professional: Buy a Mac.
Later, under questioning via text message, he confessed to trolling. He is not, in fact, that stupid.
Please believe me when I saw I'm not trying to turn this blog into an all-Apple all-the-time thing, but this kind of thing causes me real pain, especially when it comes from someone I love and care about.
And, yes, I'm man enough to say that I love another man. Granted it's in a purely hetero fashion, as he's way too hairy for me. And penises are just kind of a disgusting obstacle.
Again, I love him in a purely hetero way, not in a 'Mac user' kind of way.
And what bugs me the most is that the 'buy a Mac' idiocy one of my few sore spots, and my goddam friends know it. These assholes will troll me, get me going, and then, just as I'm about to nuke the site from orbit (it's the only way to be sure), they'll throw their hands up, and claim 'I was just trolling you.' In most cases, I believe them (such as in Adam's case, since the dude is rather smart, despite being a Blake Schwarzenbach fan), but there are those closet Mac fans out there, lurking, blending in with us like frakkin' skinjobs.
See, the problem is that the phrased is used flippantly throughout society, with a total lack of knowledge as to why. This ignorance could have serious repercussions, folks. Think of the children.
To illustrate my point more clearly, here is a discussion between myself and a generic human:
Blaine: Why should I buy a Mac?
MacCylon: (digging deep into ear with finger) Because it just works.
Blaine: Compared to what?
MacCylon: (now picking nose while flipping between reality shows) Um, the Windows program.
Blaine: I presume you mean hardware that runs the Windows operating system. I see. Yes, the Windows OSes have a greater history of instability, I agree. However, some of that is because it supports open architecture, which gives the consumer freedom of choice when building their own machines. Additionally, with greater market share comes greater attention from those who wish to do harm. If most people are running Windows, you're going to tailor your attacks to target Windows operating systems. If anyone in the IT world really gave a shit about Mac, you'd see Mac-specific attacks. What was the last problem you had with your Windows machine?
MacCylon: Big clicky button. Go blink-blink. Say 'free Windows anti-virus 2012.' Me click on button. On interwebs. Lots of booby pictures fill screen then it stop working. Boobies frozen. Took it to Geek Squad. Now runs more like shit.
Blaine: I see. I also notice, here, that you have eight distinct 'bars' in your Internet Explorer. Have you been clicking on 'install' every time you see it?
MacCylon: (looks around nervously) NO.
Blaine: Of course. What about your desktop here? I noticed that it's completed filled with icons for all manner of 'free' applications. How did those get there?
MacCylon: Me no know. Me click on boobies. And not always with fingers.
Blaine: Have you considered educating yourself, even in the slightest bit, about the technology that you use? Computers are wonderful machines, if you learn just a little about them.
MacCylon: Dancing With the Stars is on.
Blaine: Or maybe you should switch to Linux? The latest Ubuntu distro is actually geared toward total morons, so this may be a good match.
MacCylon: Buy a Mac.
You can see what I'm getting at here. The average user is a terrifying neanderthal, from whom we should hide all forms of technology.
My biggest issue with Macs is that they discourage exploration and the seeking of understanding. They are built, from the OS to the hardware specs to the licensing deals to the hateful terms of use, to lock the user down and keep him/her from destroying themselves. Macs are designed for people that hate computing and don't want to learn anything about technology. They are anathema to people that work in technology. Imagine if the hood of your car was welded shut. That's how Macs, from an IT perspective, are designed. Everything about the OS wants to keep you the fuck out. What's hilarious is that it's built on Unix, and has the most stringent lock-out philosophy there is.
Being an IT pro in a Linux and Windows shop, I have no use for the operating system. I like being able to get under the hood and owning my install. I need to be able to do that.
It's my opinion that the mouth-breathers of the world should demand the same. Don't have your experience dictated to you. Build the experience that you need.
There I go, being all idealistic in a world in which 'Dancing With the Stars' crushes other shows' ratings.
In closing ...
One of the reasons that Adam and I get along is that he's more or less the model luddite. He actually picks up the phone and asks questions, and is not afraid to learn the basics of networking and un-fucking computers. More luddites should take that same approach. Learn. I'm proud of him, really. Communing with Blake Schwarzenbach about having such a small dick hasn't held him back.
That is all, my friends. Thanks for reading another rant.
What say you? What's your operating system of choice? How deeply do you customize your experience? What would you change about your experience, if you could?
Thanks for reading?
-Blaine
Buy my book!
Showing posts with label apple. Show all posts
Showing posts with label apple. Show all posts
20120522
20120508
Apple & the Original IT Sin
Welcome to my technology blog!
For those of you who haven't already read my work in other places, I'm a writer and IT pro, and decided it's long past due that I start blogging about technology.
I work mostly with servers, but I'll probably skew, in terms content, more toward consumer technologies, from phones to desktop operating systems, to applications, etc.
This will be a work in progress, and may slowly change form as it evolves. Your feedback here is crucial and appreciated. The plan is to try and post here every Tuesday.
Apple & the Original IT Sin
I have a very twisted relationship with Apple. Specifically, I dislike closed architecture, but my disdain for Apple goes beyond that.
If one were to penetrate the core of my Apple-based psychosis, they would find that my annoyance with Apple is totally misplaced, and is derived almost solely from their fans, who work very hard to breathe fire and defend their need to never be able to customize their computers or operating systems. Apple's screeching sycophants are a very vocal and pretentious minority, and actually scare a fair number of tech-savvy users away, for fear of being associated with the Apple apologists.
You see, Apple interfaces are designed around the premise that you are a total idiot, and have no need to peek under the OS's skirt or be able to customize much of anything. Apple locks you out of the hardware and operating system, and every time you start to question this, they throw something sleek and shiny at you, ensuring that their lock on 'cool' is never interrupted.
Users then become trained to adopt Apple's prescribed interface solution, rather than demanding more from their devices. Much like a sleek, sexy dictatorship, the very fiber of humanity is worn thin as we're told that we must tap and tap and tap forever, just to find out that Joel likes our status update (whereas on Windows Phone, it just shows this on the tile.)
Oh, and good luck sifting through magazine categories in the iTunes/Newsstand store.
The users stop questioning. Downtrodden, their senses overloaded with all the slick marketing, they hang their heads and just accept that the iPhone (or Mac, if you've really sunk that far) is master.
Apple, thereby, is aiding in the continued dumbing-down of society (along with reality TV and Fox News), and should be held accountable. Or something.
Anyway, I own an iPhone (for work), an iPad (for play), two AppleTVs, and my wife and I each own an iPod Classic. Yup. I'm so annoyed with them that I've thrown nearly a couple thousand dollars at them.
Oh, and I signed up for iTunes Match and totally love it.
I'll be honest. It got too hard to work around the fact that they have the richest ecosystem in terms of applications, movies, and music. I just didn't have the time to keep maintaining my own Linux-based solutions. And I hated my work Blackberry and my company doesn't (yet) support Windows Phone (which is the best phone OS out there, for real. But that's a different post.)
Yes, folks, I too fell under their spell. Apple products induce an intellectual coma in their users, and to be honest, it can be kinda nice. It's sorta like paying someone else to cut your lawn, or paying for the privelege to drink water out of a disposable plastic bottle. This is the society that we've demanded to become.
The worst part is the needling I get from buddies that also work in IT. They harang endlessly about how I've integrated Apple products into my home infrastructure, while they all have elaborate solutions like I used to have.
Of course, they're all developers and project managers, not sysadmins. They have endless amounts of free time and are paid like Saudi oil princes.
So, in closing, if you're a Linux/Windows guy, but use Apple products for entertainment, it's okay. It's not your fault. It's time to let the guilt go, and let the healing start. You can come out of the closet. Sure, everyone will judge you, but that's okay. They're all dicks, anyway.
Apple products are not perfect solutions, but don't let their small, screaming legion of fans scare you off, either. They're actually pretty solid for entertainment purposes.
Now, what would be nice is if I could get Siri to start deploying servers for me at work.
-Blaine
Buy my book!
For those of you who haven't already read my work in other places, I'm a writer and IT pro, and decided it's long past due that I start blogging about technology.
I work mostly with servers, but I'll probably skew, in terms content, more toward consumer technologies, from phones to desktop operating systems, to applications, etc.
This will be a work in progress, and may slowly change form as it evolves. Your feedback here is crucial and appreciated. The plan is to try and post here every Tuesday.
Apple & the Original IT Sin
I have a very twisted relationship with Apple. Specifically, I dislike closed architecture, but my disdain for Apple goes beyond that.
If one were to penetrate the core of my Apple-based psychosis, they would find that my annoyance with Apple is totally misplaced, and is derived almost solely from their fans, who work very hard to breathe fire and defend their need to never be able to customize their computers or operating systems. Apple's screeching sycophants are a very vocal and pretentious minority, and actually scare a fair number of tech-savvy users away, for fear of being associated with the Apple apologists.
You see, Apple interfaces are designed around the premise that you are a total idiot, and have no need to peek under the OS's skirt or be able to customize much of anything. Apple locks you out of the hardware and operating system, and every time you start to question this, they throw something sleek and shiny at you, ensuring that their lock on 'cool' is never interrupted.
Users then become trained to adopt Apple's prescribed interface solution, rather than demanding more from their devices. Much like a sleek, sexy dictatorship, the very fiber of humanity is worn thin as we're told that we must tap and tap and tap forever, just to find out that Joel likes our status update (whereas on Windows Phone, it just shows this on the tile.)
Oh, and good luck sifting through magazine categories in the iTunes/Newsstand store.
The users stop questioning. Downtrodden, their senses overloaded with all the slick marketing, they hang their heads and just accept that the iPhone (or Mac, if you've really sunk that far) is master.
Apple, thereby, is aiding in the continued dumbing-down of society (along with reality TV and Fox News), and should be held accountable. Or something.
Anyway, I own an iPhone (for work), an iPad (for play), two AppleTVs, and my wife and I each own an iPod Classic. Yup. I'm so annoyed with them that I've thrown nearly a couple thousand dollars at them.
Oh, and I signed up for iTunes Match and totally love it.
I'll be honest. It got too hard to work around the fact that they have the richest ecosystem in terms of applications, movies, and music. I just didn't have the time to keep maintaining my own Linux-based solutions. And I hated my work Blackberry and my company doesn't (yet) support Windows Phone (which is the best phone OS out there, for real. But that's a different post.)
Yes, folks, I too fell under their spell. Apple products induce an intellectual coma in their users, and to be honest, it can be kinda nice. It's sorta like paying someone else to cut your lawn, or paying for the privelege to drink water out of a disposable plastic bottle. This is the society that we've demanded to become.
The worst part is the needling I get from buddies that also work in IT. They harang endlessly about how I've integrated Apple products into my home infrastructure, while they all have elaborate solutions like I used to have.
Of course, they're all developers and project managers, not sysadmins. They have endless amounts of free time and are paid like Saudi oil princes.
So, in closing, if you're a Linux/Windows guy, but use Apple products for entertainment, it's okay. It's not your fault. It's time to let the guilt go, and let the healing start. You can come out of the closet. Sure, everyone will judge you, but that's okay. They're all dicks, anyway.
Apple products are not perfect solutions, but don't let their small, screaming legion of fans scare you off, either. They're actually pretty solid for entertainment purposes.
Now, what would be nice is if I could get Siri to start deploying servers for me at work.
-Blaine
Buy my book!
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