Dearest reader, you know me, right? You know I pride myself on not getting all butt-hurt about stupid things like 'Heroes of Facebook' (guys who fix the world one snarky Facebook post/comment at a time), but I feel compelled to draw a line.
My close friend and confidant Adam recently posted something about how the phrase 'more cowbell' sounds to actual musicians, and he even went so far as to explore the etymology of the phrase, and while I didn't see a need to become upset by people using the phrase, I found it interesting and I was with him on this.
How interesting then, that he was the one to make me understand his pain.
The other night, I was working on automating some of my work processes through a batch file, when I posted a question about disabling the proxy via command line, when he commented with the single stupidest thing a user can utter to any IT professional: Buy a Mac.
Later, under questioning via text message, he confessed to trolling. He is not, in fact, that stupid.
Please believe me when I saw I'm not trying to turn this blog into an all-Apple all-the-time thing, but this kind of thing causes me real pain, especially when it comes from someone I love and care about.
And, yes, I'm man enough to say that I love another man. Granted it's in a purely hetero fashion, as he's way too hairy for me. And penises are just kind of a disgusting obstacle.
Again, I love him in a purely hetero way, not in a 'Mac user' kind of way.
And what bugs me the most is that the 'buy a Mac' idiocy one of my few sore spots, and my goddam friends know it. These assholes will troll me, get me going, and then, just as I'm about to nuke the site from orbit (it's the only way to be sure), they'll throw their hands up, and claim 'I was just trolling you.' In most cases, I believe them (such as in Adam's case, since the dude is rather smart, despite being a Blake Schwarzenbach fan), but there are those closet Mac fans out there, lurking, blending in with us like frakkin' skinjobs.
See, the problem is that the phrased is used flippantly throughout society, with a total lack of knowledge as to why. This ignorance could have serious repercussions, folks. Think of the children.
To illustrate my point more clearly, here is a discussion between myself and a generic human:
Blaine: Why should I buy a Mac?
MacCylon: (digging deep into ear with finger) Because it just works.
Blaine: Compared to what?
MacCylon: (now picking nose while flipping between reality shows) Um, the Windows program.
Blaine: I presume you mean hardware that runs the Windows operating system. I see. Yes, the Windows OSes have a greater history of instability, I agree. However, some of that is because it supports open architecture, which gives the consumer freedom of choice when building their own machines. Additionally, with greater market share comes greater attention from those who wish to do harm. If most people are running Windows, you're going to tailor your attacks to target Windows operating systems. If anyone in the IT world really gave a shit about Mac, you'd see Mac-specific attacks. What was the last problem you had with your Windows machine?
MacCylon: Big clicky button. Go blink-blink. Say 'free Windows anti-virus 2012.' Me click on button. On interwebs. Lots of booby pictures fill screen then it stop working. Boobies frozen. Took it to Geek Squad. Now runs more like shit.
Blaine: I see. I also notice, here, that you have eight distinct 'bars' in your Internet Explorer. Have you been clicking on 'install' every time you see it?
MacCylon: (looks around nervously) NO.
Blaine: Of course. What about your desktop here? I noticed that it's completed filled with icons for all manner of 'free' applications. How did those get there?
MacCylon: Me no know. Me click on boobies. And not always with fingers.
Blaine: Have you considered educating yourself, even in the slightest bit, about the technology that you use? Computers are wonderful machines, if you learn just a little about them.
MacCylon: Dancing With the Stars is on.
Blaine: Or maybe you should switch to Linux? The latest Ubuntu distro is actually geared toward total morons, so this may be a good match.
MacCylon: Buy a Mac.
You can see what I'm getting at here. The average user is a terrifying neanderthal, from whom we should hide all forms of technology.
My biggest issue with Macs is that they discourage exploration and the seeking of understanding. They are built, from the OS to the hardware specs to the licensing deals to the hateful terms of use, to lock the user down and keep him/her from destroying themselves. Macs are designed for people that hate computing and don't want to learn anything about technology. They are anathema to people that work in technology. Imagine if the hood of your car was welded shut. That's how Macs, from an IT perspective, are designed. Everything about the OS wants to keep you the fuck out. What's hilarious is that it's built on Unix, and has the most stringent lock-out philosophy there is.
Being an IT pro in a Linux and Windows shop, I have no use for the operating system. I like being able to get under the hood and owning my install. I need to be able to do that.
It's my opinion that the mouth-breathers of the world should demand the same. Don't have your experience dictated to you. Build the experience that you need.
There I go, being all idealistic in a world in which 'Dancing With the Stars' crushes other shows' ratings.
In closing ...
One of the reasons that Adam and I get along is that he's more or less the model luddite. He actually picks up the phone and asks questions, and is not afraid to learn the basics of networking and un-fucking computers. More luddites should take that same approach. Learn. I'm proud of him, really. Communing with Blake Schwarzenbach about having such a small dick hasn't held him back.
That is all, my friends. Thanks for reading another rant.
What say you? What's your operating system of choice? How deeply do you customize your experience? What would you change about your experience, if you could?
Thanks for reading?
-Blaine
Buy my book!
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